My Aspirations are to:

...combine my past in visual design with a future in organizational design and human development

...exercise and find a good fit for my strengths and passions
(creativity, leadership, innovation, organization, and learning)

...be part of a team that cares about the people and the planet as much as the profit

History is Fiction
A great friend of mine loves to say that we all tell ourselves stories about who we are and are equally as capable of making up new ones. Everyone has a history that can be used for propulsion into the future or as a nice, safe prison cell. Most great stories recount a journey to unfamiliar and sometimes dangerous places—often against the will of the protagonist. The Hobbit, Hind's Feet on High Places, The Secret Garden, His Dark Materials, Lord of the Rings, Narnia Chronicles, A Wrinkle in Time. Perusing the list, I notice that most of these are written for young adults, because ideally, we are to begin our own journey into identity and adulthood at that age. I believe that culture today is missing an essential, coming-of-age ritual, forcing us to remain stranded between child and adult far into midlife. This may be why so many people change careers "midstream." In order to tell you where I am going, I must begin with where I began.

In school, I always chose the diorama option over the written book report, because I have always been fueled by discovering new and different ways of doing things. With an overwhelming possibility of options due to my varied interests, my academic pursuits tended towards the artistic, mainly because I experienced the least resistance and the most positive encouragement in the arts. Barely 18, I found myself at Miami University of Ohio on the Fine Arts tract towards, either teaching or, starving. Since I have a propensity for nice things (especially shoes,) I saw that neither was a viable option and dropped out entirely. After delivering pizzas and working cash registers for as long as I could bear, my sights turned to graphic design—a way to be creative AND make a living. I quickly realized I love design. Few activities can so engage me that I forget to eat. Design was one of them, and remains so to this day. Twenty years later, with a string of free-lance jobs and a failed career at waitressing in my wake, I was settled in as the Communications Director at a Presbyterian Church, in charge of all things print and web.

Heidi Helm 2.0
My mentor at that Presbyterian Church encouraged me to follow my passion, and I returned to finish my undergraduate degree at Union in Leadership. My mentor Bill, saw that with a little care and polishing, I might become an even better version of me, with a valuable gift for the world. Belonging to our tribe, sub-culture and culture, requires a real live game of truth or dare—a series of hoops we jump through to gain acceptance. This may be as drastic as the validation of a street gang, or as benign as not knowing my own desires and dreams. I spent the first half of my life letting others tell me what was important, and waiting around to see what they wanted before I committed to anything myself. I experienced great difficulty focusing on what I wanted, because my experience proved that my chances of getting it are reduced once I admit to it. I have no regrets about this and feel thankful that, at midlife, I get the opportunity to consider these matters deeply.

I believe a life-giving career is possible and even becoming crucial to the economy, society and the environment. I am no longer willing to drag myself to a job that drains life, waiting for 5 p.m. every day, looking toward the weekend every week—my two-weeks vacation every year. Work is so much a part of our existence, that I believe it means more than a mere paycheck—a Sisyphustic rolling of the stone for the remainder of my stay on the planet. My generation would rather "work to live" than "live to work." But I also know that the tide of world view is turning, and that our planet won't take much more business as usual. Ironically, sustainability is all the rage today. Leadership research and philosophy has been leaning this way for many years. Greenleaf's, Servant Leadership, Collins', Good to Great, Covey's, Seven Habits, and Block's, Community, are all calling us to a new way of leading and organizing, about which I am passionate. I am eager to work for an organization that values people and planet as much as profit—so much, that I returned to finish my degree and after vowing otherwise, jumped into the deep end of one of the most intense masters programs aroun

Metaheidi: or Oh, the Things I've Learned
My journey into Integral Theory and metastudies has turned my life completely upsidedown and inside out—in a good way. I am being challenged in ways I didn't know were possible. The JFKU program's focus on perspective, inner-and-outer experience, and human development have given me a framework of understanding, enlarging my world exponentially. In particular, work with the long-serving, yet outdated shadow aspects of personality. continues to propel me into the flow. Studying the work of Ken Wilber, Jean Gebser, Jurgen Habermas, Robert Kegan, Alan Coombs, and other great thinkers reveals a process of human progress, both individually and collectively, that affords me grace for my Self and others. That humans are beginning to reach a cognitive level at which they can appreciate all prededing levels, rather than fighting against pre and post, restores my hope in humanity. I can frame the destructiveness in a bigger picture of survival and creativity, knowing that we are on the move and show no signs of slowing down, developmentally. All this knowledge is nothing with out practice, however. Practicing what I'm learning (a main focus of the Integral Masters program) puts all this knowledge to the test. Vascilating between extreme discomfort and peace beyond understanding, I believe this new lease on life is worth sharing—promoting even—to those who are ready.

My Third Career
If you have read this far I thank you for your time and attention, and confess that this is as much for my own journey as it is for you to learn about me. I have a theory that life is divided into four chunks of about 20 years each. The first quarter is like being poured into a mold of the world—like when you first wake up and can't remember what day it is. In the next quarter, 20-40, we begin to realize that although we've learned about the world we know little about ourselves—not unlike the sinking realization that it is not Saturday morning and we have to get up and be somewhere. That is when life really begins. Some of us change careers, go back to school, get divorced or make other cataclysmic life changes. By the time we reach the traditional age of retirement, we might really learn what makes us happy. I propose that the second quarter be spent as a sort of internship or First Career, preparing to make a more informed decision about what to study in college. This would prepare us for a better fitting Second Career, until we reach retirement, or our Third Career, in the last quarter. Of course the current economic system does not allow for this radical a shift, but I have moments of hope. Even if my Third Career Theory doesn't take off, we might, at least, spend the best hours of our day doing something for which we are better fashioned— generating energy rather than letting run down the drain.

For my third career I choose novelist. In Walking on Water, Madeleine L'Engle says that one of the reasons people write is because they have a philosophy and want to send it out into the world. I will continue taking notes to refine and develop that philosophy. It should be just about cooked by the time I reach my sixties. Like a melt-in-your-mouth, crock pot roast at the end of a long day, falling off the bone and filling the house with smells of comfort. I doubt my capacity for "retirement," not only because of the questionable state of Social Security, but because I will love what I'm doing and it won't feel like work. If all goes well, I'll be writing those novels from a breezy, palm spiked island with an espresso and a solar-powered, laptop that folds down to the size of a business card.